(written August 27, 2010)
So I considered it lucky this week that starting kung fu and starting ballroom dancing at the same time didn't get confused in my mind and I landed up defending against an body attack from my wife during the cha-cha, and added to that, I took in a haircut this morning and, well, good cut, but the salon's water was off because of the demolition of the adjacent petrol station so I landed up with a utterly unfindable itchiness for the rest of the day, plus my efforts to convince our sales lady that arm-wrestling is the ultimate in dispute management was met with a delicate mixture of bemusement and (word for smiling and waving in agreement with crazy people), and plus then also I'm only realising now that in my profile picture I'm squint!
Shit fuck man - what the hell?! Why didn't anyone say? Hey Tom - you look kinda squint in your profile pic there buddy - check you left eye: It's not really looking straight ahead see? Like when our art teacher in highschool came to school one day, and she was like 55 or something and wore jeans in the late 80's so they sat above her stomach so the bit below the belt was like a tractor-tyre tube, and she had her zip down the whole way so her stomach was like a shiny pink-beige satin bulge - I told her that her zip was down. Like I tell people that they've got a booger, or they've got diahorrea in the corner of their mouth (just kidding - I let that one slide). Jusis. But actually it gives me a bit of an edge maybe. It's kind of cool, like - would you really fuck with the guy in that profile pic? No. I thought not. Plus now you know that that dude is learning kung fu so he can completely fuck you up in a year or so if he keeps at it.
Advantages of Kung Fu as observed from the first 2 classes:
1: Knowing Kung Fu means you don't have to be good at maths. People will be OK and give you space to get your calculator out and do your sums if you know kung fu. If you know kung fu and someone asks you some maths and you don't know, you can always look at them in that hard-core way that makes them get in their car and go and buy you some croissants or something.
2: Nope - so far that's all I've learn't about the merits of doing kung fu. Otherwise it just means I have sore elbows. Yup, Elbows. What the fuck, like my legs and arms and the other stuff are OK - my elbows are sore.
Poem - totally unrehearsed:
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I like our house in the evening
The back-door hallway's lined,
with mirrors and bottles and sparkly things
that hang on the wall so it looks
like christmas every evening - just for an hour or two.
The dogs chew the car-tyres, the bunnys dig networks
of tunnels against the 3rd Reich,
The kids practice spelling - "house", "tent" and "teeth"
as they ride around on their bikes,
And you and me swig at tequila and gin
and fold up the panties and socks
The wind kicks the wind-chimes
the dogs tell the strangers.
And by 10 half past 10 it's all done.
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Tom would like to go on record that he is legitimate. If fact he is perhaps overly legitimate. As a result, he cannot but maintain his current course,
Tom
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